Lowest weight, yet...

I am the lowest weight I remember being, the same as I was when I was 18, which is 153lb (roughly). I am not quite the size I was last time, I am probably less fit, higher fat ratio, and am still mainly in size 14s with some size 12s. I've dreamed of being a size 12 for years, yet now I am here (more or less), it doesn't feel good enough. I still have just under a stone to take me to my goal weight, and it's coming off soooo slowly now, but part of me is ok with that. Like I know that if I keep going the way I'm going, I'll lose the weight eventually, and it's helping set me up with a new way of eating for the rest of my life. One thing I really need to focus on, is that food isn't a filler in my life, it's not going to make me happy, or give me company, food is purely a fuel, and something I have learned is that my body needs surprisingly little fuel to run efficiently.

I am going to keep the weight off, that's one thing I swear, I want these habits to last me a lifetime, and now I am lighter, I find myself really almost ITCHING to start exercising with a gusto. I find myself wanting to go out running, I need some sports bras before I do that, and some exercise clothes. And some time!! When do people find the time to run when they have two preschoolers?!! Just some more things for me to be thinking about.

Back to what works

The mindset of "any loss is a good loss, and a loss for good." It's back! Hurrah! My mojo has returned finally. I lost another 1lb this week, and am now down to 11 stone 5lb again, or 159lb. I am determined that I will lose again next week, be it 1lb, or 1 and a half, or 2lb, whatever. And those lbs will be gone for good too. I am never going to see 160lb on the scales again, with the exception of during pregnancy, while carrying a small child, or perhaps if I naughtily weigh myself during the day or evening, clothed over the next few weeks.

Only 2lb til my 3rd goal of losing 50lb, the combined weight (roughly) of my two boys. And only 5lb until I reach 11 stone, the weight I was when I was 18/19, that's right, how much I weighed almost TEN years ago.

If I lose just 1lb a week on average from now until Christopher's birthday in September, I will fall just 2lb short of my target weight! If I lose on average 1.5lb per week from now, I will reach my target weight by late August! If I lose 2lb per week on average, I will reach my target weight by the beginning of August! To reach my target weight by my birthday in mid-July, I will need to lose a massive 3lb a week on average for the next 6 weeks, which I really don't think is do-able anymore.

So.. for now, I am going to concentrate on eating healthily, and hopefully, the scales next week will be kind. :)

I realised today that I can't remember the last time I ate a bag of crisps. I've eaten some from a bag that have been put out on a table for everyone to dip into (a normal sized bag between 4 adults and Robert), but not for a while, and I haven't missed them at all! Not really anyway, I do like things like wotsits and would enjoy them if I had a bag, but had no real craving to get one at all. This is what I love, the fact that my habits are changing, and I'm barely realising, let alone missing. Maybe someday there will be a day where I do not crave nor miss chocolate, and ice cream too ;)

Anyway, let's see if I can make a 2lb loss by next Wednesday, and see that magic 50lb loss, and maybe pick up Robert and Christopher together to see just how much weight I have lost since Christopher was born :)

hmmm well..

Last Wednesday weigh in saw me back up 2.5lb of the 3.5lb I lost over the week I was ill, weighing in at 165.5 lb.

I've had a few meals out this week, and yesterday, I had a VERY bad day food wise... but as this is a blog and it is good to be completely honest to prompt me into eating better and not doing the same again... I ate an entire giant easter egg that was given to me on Sunday... apparently 1/4 of the egg contained almost 400 calories.. so I had probably about 1500 calories yesterday of CHOCOLATE never mind my breakfast and lunch... I decided to skip dinner and have an early night.

This morning I weighed myself to see what the damage would be, and had a reading of 162.5 lb. Erm, what the?? I don't particularly think I've had a good week even not considering yesterday. Was it the skipped dinner? Maybe I am eating my main meals far too late at night, sometimes as late as 9pm, but usually after the kids are both in bed, so around 8pmish. Maybe I should start eating my main meal for lunch with the kids, and a light meal around 5-ish with the kids instead of a light meal at lunchtime, around 12, then a large meal at 8ish. And save a portion for Jonathan to take to work with him for the next day's lunch. That might help him to lose some weight too which I think he wants to do. He's a lower BMI than I am, but he's around the same weight I was when Christopher was born. I guess being 6'5" helps in that regards ;)

It's worth giving that a try I guess, switching main meals and trying not to eat too late, then Jonathan can grab something when he gets back in the evening. If I do that today, I wonder if I'll get a good weigh in on the scales tomorrow on my official weigh in day.

February

My first official February weigh in is tomorrow, but I did sneakily step on the scales this morning and I weighed 172.5lb, which is 2lb down from last Wednesday. I'm hoping to maintain that or lose a bit more. As the weeks go on I am becoming more and more determined. And I am seeing results, albeit mainly on the scales, with a bit in my clothes. I'm around 4lb away from that 12 stone which I want to be at by March, and with a 2lb a week loss, I should get there in plenty of time, and hopefully... just maybe... I will be a size 14 by March if I keep going, keep losing the weight and keep my perspective. When I gave birth just over 4 months ago, I wouldn't have dreamed that by the time my baby was just 4 months old I'd have lost about 2 and a half stone. But I think to me, while some people were telling me in the early days to "give yourself time" and "leave it a few weeks" etc, I think for me I needed to get going straight away. And to be fair, in the early weeks, I didn't do much really apart from watching my weight, and try and not eat too much junk, as in the months after Robert was born, we ate terribly, so many takeaways it was unreal. Then when Christopher was about 6 weeks old, I tried to focus on my problem areas, mainly snacking.

I feel like I am getting snacking under control. And my portion sizes are more appropriate, and I am drinking more. I think my stomach must be shrinking back to a better size, my appetite is less, and I am able to go without a lot of lunch, getting energy I need from fruit, and whatever Robert doesn't finish.

I bought some new bras at the weekend (and actually bought the wrong size again.. oops! I bought a cupsize too small! But hoping that as I lose more weight they'll fit better and I don't keep popping out of them so much! lol) but even though they are nursing bras, they are SEXY! I feel so much more womanly, they give me more figure, and they're so pretty! I got my first complement in AGES from Jonathan when I put it on, and then I got another when I put on a size 16 top I hadn't worn in years. Part of me is itching to buy some new clothes, but I think, if only I can wait, just a little while longer, make do with what I have for the next month or two, then I will be able to get down my size 14 clothes from the loft! And I think to myself how fabulous would that be... just hang on for a while longer Nicola, then you can wear those, and then with more weightloss, you can get down your size 12s... then at your target weight you can go shopping with birthday money.

It feels like this dream is finally coming true, with a little perseverance, a lot of will power, and determination. After gaining the weight steadily for a decade, losing then gaining some again twice or thrice in that time, I feel fantastic for sticking with it all, and amazed that my goal isn't out of reach, it is completely do-able, and I will get there. I will, and I can't wait! And best of all, I am not seeing how I am eating as a diet, as a chore, it has already become second nature. This is a lifestyle change. Now the challenge will be encorporating exercise in to being a lifestyle change.