Low carb. Puhh-huh.

Well I tried to go low carb for a few days. I failed spectacularly, but not only that, it felt so un-natural to me. And as such I felt like everything was a chore. I lost a bit of the umph I had, and I felt like I was on "a diet" as opposed to eating sensibly. Also after those 2 days when I admitted defeat, it took me a while to get back into my way of thinking.

That's not to say I won't cook any more low carb meals. But telling myself I am going low carb all day... that adds in a little extra something that makes it difficult to do. I've had a couple of weeks setback, but I am hovering around the 12 stone 4lb mark, I will most likely not reach 12 stone by March, but I am hoping to get close, and either way I think I will do my best to get back into my old rhythm. I'll get back on track.

I have to, because I have no desire to stay in size 16s. I want to pass through size 14s as quickly as is safely possible. I am fitting some size 14 clothes, which I find amazing, although I have been having a negative body vibe lately. Feeling that my arms are too wobbly, that my thighs are too huge, my belly too saggy. But at the same time, I see my reflection when clothed and think wow, I have a waistline. Wow, my boobs actually stick out over my belly.

My mini goal is still in place, although I think it's a huge challenge to complete it in time now, but we shall see how well I can do. Either way I am not losing sight of the final goal posts. I can still do it by summer, I just have to stay determined. And by completing each mini-sprint, I can complete the marathon.

WOW

Well, Jonathan and I have a funeral to attend on Wednesday, and since we have no appropriate attire that fits, we went shopping with the boys for some new clothes. I found a long black skirt, and grabbed a size 14 (thinking hey, let's give it a try), and a size 16 off the rack. And then found a black top, and did the same again. They were both stretchy, so I thought I'd be able to get them both on in some sort of fashion, although I thought the size 14s would probably be too tight and just look stupid.

Anyway, I tried on the size 14s first, and amazingly, they both fit!! The top was a little too tight to be honest, on the arms mainly, and the chest. I decided to buy the size 14 skirt (as it wasn't too tight, and I will be able to wear it a lot longer than one that is too big!) and the size 16 top.

Here's a picture of me wearing both size 14 top and skirt. :)



Compared to this photo of me just under 3 months pregnant with Christopher and wearing size 18 maternity...

Getting back on track.

I lost the 0.5lb I gained last week yesterday. So I'm now back to 172lb, and I would like to lose another 2-3lb this week. 3lb ideally, as that would take me into the 160s!!! I'm so excited about being there! As that would be almost 40lb lost since October, I do get so excited about being in the next 10s down, and it gives me a new goal to focus on almost naturally! I can hardly believe I'm only 3lb away from the 160s, and only 1 stone away from the 150s!

Small goals are definitely the way to go, but keeping the bigger goal there as well. That bigger goal is of course 10 stone by July. But my immediate short term goal is 12 stone or just over by the last February weigh in. I don't know what my next goal will be after that. Maybe getting to 25% less body weight, which is a 51 lb loss in total, and that'll be 156lb. Maybe that's a bit too much of a leap for short term goal. I guess I'll see how I feel once I get to 12 stone or just under. Maybe say half a stone by April or something. And in my size 14s.

I didn't have a good low carb day yesterday. Kept falling off, and it didn't help that I baked biscuits with Robert ;)

Today I will do better though, and try my hardest to not deviate. If I can do a complete low carb diet (only allowing a few pieces of fruit) for a few days, that should get me properly back on track. Should read the recipe book I got for Xmas again ;) But I think today I will try and have a tuna and egg mayo salad for lunch, and make a cauliflower and broccoli soup for dinner, which Jonathan can have with bread. With snacks of cheese with tomato, and some fruit.

Not too bad considering.

Well I was expecting a 2+lb gain this week. But I minimised the damage and am only 0.5lb above last week's weight, so I'm quite pleased with that actually.

This week I will be better. No two ways about it, I WILL do better this week. I want to be in the 11 stone somethings by March, which means losing 5lb this month. I need to get below 168lb to be under 12 stone, and I'm 172.5lb.

I got a low carb cookbook for Christmas, and I have already made myself some things from there, I think I will look some more at it and see what is easy to make from there. I want to try a day or two of low carbing to get back on track, and get a reasonable loss next week. See how I go with it anyway! I started off today with a breakfast muffin - sausage and egg basically. If I do well on it today I will try again tomorrow. I want to try my hardest because apparently when you go low carb you also stop getting cravings, plus the high protein fills you up so you're less hungry too.

I can do this, I need to lose between 1.5 and 2lb a week to lose the 5lb by the end of the month, so that's not too bad a goal.

When I'm below 12 stone I think I will bug Jonathan to go and get me my size 14 clothes from the loft.

I have come a long way. When I have been losing weight before, a week like last week would have led me to binge and then, seeing the massive gain, I would spiral down into a "I can't do this" way of thinking, and stop trying, and then bam, the weight gain would continue. I feel that to have done this, to have had a bad week, but tried to not over-do it, to be able to minimise the damage and stay positive, I feel that I have overcome a big mental blockade that a few years back I just wasn't able to do. And now I am at a place to be able to do it, mentally and physically.

Hmmm

Well I know there are still 2 days to go, but I have a sneaking suspicion I will be back up to 174.5 on Wednesday. I have had a bad week, food wise. Pizza on Wednesday night, bad snacking day on Thursday, 4 pieces of flapjack on Friday, ok day on Saturday, then a Harvester's lunch yesterday followed by another bit of flapjack and a bit of cake. I will try my best to limit the damage as much as possible over the next two days, but I am prepared for a gain either way... and hopefully next week will be better. I'm still on track for the 11 stone somethings by the beginning of March, fingers crossed I can get myself back on track properly.

2.5 stone down

Well I lost 2.5lb total this last week, which puts me at 12 stone 4lbs, or 172lbs. I still find myself astounded to see the 170s on the scales even when fully dressed, with shoes on and having just finished a meal. It really doesn't seem like that long ago I was seeing the 190s. And it seems unreal that I will soon be in the 160s.

I tried on a size 16 skirt I bought for my brother's wedding back in August '05. I didn't get to wear it for much longer, and now it is LOOSE! I don't think I have any size 14 clothes down yet, but I should get them down soon so I can see just how close (or far!) I am from fitting in them.

I am 8lb away from a healthy BMI... so close! I am getting there!

February

My first official February weigh in is tomorrow, but I did sneakily step on the scales this morning and I weighed 172.5lb, which is 2lb down from last Wednesday. I'm hoping to maintain that or lose a bit more. As the weeks go on I am becoming more and more determined. And I am seeing results, albeit mainly on the scales, with a bit in my clothes. I'm around 4lb away from that 12 stone which I want to be at by March, and with a 2lb a week loss, I should get there in plenty of time, and hopefully... just maybe... I will be a size 14 by March if I keep going, keep losing the weight and keep my perspective. When I gave birth just over 4 months ago, I wouldn't have dreamed that by the time my baby was just 4 months old I'd have lost about 2 and a half stone. But I think to me, while some people were telling me in the early days to "give yourself time" and "leave it a few weeks" etc, I think for me I needed to get going straight away. And to be fair, in the early weeks, I didn't do much really apart from watching my weight, and try and not eat too much junk, as in the months after Robert was born, we ate terribly, so many takeaways it was unreal. Then when Christopher was about 6 weeks old, I tried to focus on my problem areas, mainly snacking.

I feel like I am getting snacking under control. And my portion sizes are more appropriate, and I am drinking more. I think my stomach must be shrinking back to a better size, my appetite is less, and I am able to go without a lot of lunch, getting energy I need from fruit, and whatever Robert doesn't finish.

I bought some new bras at the weekend (and actually bought the wrong size again.. oops! I bought a cupsize too small! But hoping that as I lose more weight they'll fit better and I don't keep popping out of them so much! lol) but even though they are nursing bras, they are SEXY! I feel so much more womanly, they give me more figure, and they're so pretty! I got my first complement in AGES from Jonathan when I put it on, and then I got another when I put on a size 16 top I hadn't worn in years. Part of me is itching to buy some new clothes, but I think, if only I can wait, just a little while longer, make do with what I have for the next month or two, then I will be able to get down my size 14 clothes from the loft! And I think to myself how fabulous would that be... just hang on for a while longer Nicola, then you can wear those, and then with more weightloss, you can get down your size 12s... then at your target weight you can go shopping with birthday money.

It feels like this dream is finally coming true, with a little perseverance, a lot of will power, and determination. After gaining the weight steadily for a decade, losing then gaining some again twice or thrice in that time, I feel fantastic for sticking with it all, and amazed that my goal isn't out of reach, it is completely do-able, and I will get there. I will, and I can't wait! And best of all, I am not seeing how I am eating as a diet, as a chore, it has already become second nature. This is a lifestyle change. Now the challenge will be encorporating exercise in to being a lifestyle change.